| not a victory march |
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| 04:57am 12/11/2007 |
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It's absolutely silent at 5AM here in the 5th arrondisement of Paris. It's so quiet you can easily hear the electrical buzz of the streetlamps, and it's cold. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. I said something tonight - "I just want to know the people I knew back then as much as I can." I know you have your own lives. I know you've changed... I know if you read back on things you wrote as long ago as I last wrote here, you would hardly recognize yourself, because that is exactly how I feel.
But I remember things. I guess I'm not used to the caffeine anymore, because 3/4 of a liter of soda later I'm shaking so much I can barely type this, and I have to leave for school in 3 hours. I remember standing outside, gripping a capri in my gloved fingers with someone in plain view should the lower school class come back from recess. In that coat I always wore, and UFOs, probably. I remember riding in the back of someone's blue car that was so carefully decorated with little nerd toys and how I really had nothing else to do. I remember yelling out for someone in a musty hallway, and hearing someone's voice call my name from the bedroom in the back, cigarette, pepsi, keyboard. I remember someone thought my singing voice was pretty, and it touched me, though I don't think I ever said so. I remember sitting in that one window that didn't trip the alarm in nothing but someone's red coat (not mine). I remember I gave up a habit for someone, on a very low sofa, in a tiny back room, where I wasn't even allowed to go. I remember looking through the blades of grass next to the curb of a house that used to be mine at someone's hand, shaking like mine do now in anticipation of touching my arm.
There's no need for us to talk. I just want you to know that I can remember, and that I do, often. I guess this is why old people are so miserable. It's bad enough you lose half of the people you knew because they die, but it's so much worse that you lose the other half to carelessness, bad judgement, and wrong decisions. I find myself apologizing all the time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I wish I had something better, but I just don't know what else to say anymore. I'm sure I'm going to be berating myself for this tomorrow, but I'll manage that when the time comes. hmn... de ja vu. |
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| psa |
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| 04:50pm 03/08/2004 |
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mood: messianic music: rachel talking on phone
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steve is the single coolest entity this side of the moon. he rocks the socks of many and still has time to feed the homeless.
- not steve |
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| テスト〜 |
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| 03:45pm 03/12/2003 |
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mood:  calm
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これはできれる、ちょううれしいになるよ〜
おは、ダイアナ！ |
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| 12:35pm 07/11/2003 |
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mood:  lazy
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1. WHAT IS YOUR Middle name?
beth
2. WHAT kind of PANTS ARE YOU WEARING
ILLIG, yeeeah
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT
NOW?
white stripes
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR
PHONE NUMBER?
5800
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE:
a muffin :)
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR
WOULD YOU BE?
hot pink and scrawling myself all over the walls
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
pretty sunny and nice, yey!
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
stevex0r
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE
OPPOSITE
SEX?
if they have a spine?
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU
THIS?
well unless seeing it on my friends page counts, i didnt really have this sent to me but i do <3 sarahmah!
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
im okay, except im the procrastinator fo' real
12. FAVORITE DRINK?
omfg im out of fresca in need to finish my paper and go home
13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
i think vodka is just wonderful because i hardly drink any of it to get trashed, but if im snorting adderall then malt liquor is actually fun. who knew?
14. FAVORITE SPORTS?
"its something you do in the poconos"
15. HAIR COLOR?
brown u_u
16. EYE COLOR?
also brown
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
hai!
18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES?
adam is 20... hard to believe i know.
19. FAVORITE MONTH?
june
20. FAVORITE FOOD?
i dunno things that are full of cheese, japanese food. mmn, i wanna eat zarusoba riiight now.
21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
lock stock and two smoking barrels
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
my birthday!!1
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
no i just dont think theyre worth going out with if they cant ask me
24. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY
ENDINGS?
not usually but i could be convinced
25. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer
26. HUGS OR KISSES?
kisses if theyre from my HAWT boyfriend
28. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
chocolate is delicious... tooo delicious
32. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
dude, wheres my country?, just finished goldgiers shite on NATO enlargement, about to start the periodic table...
33. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
little colorful whisps of things.
34. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
not monopoly.
35. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
tried to write some paper, was only moderately successful, talked to my stevex0r, let my 2 week sister princess obsession take over my brain, listened to a lot of rap music, you know.
36. FAVORITE SMELLS?
roses and burbery weekend
37. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN
YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
the first thing is usually some really stupid nonsensical thought that is a result of my brain trying to process my alarm, but the second is usually about i i lovex0r my super awesome boyfriend. |
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| hell of an update after all this time |
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| 03:07pm 29/10/2003 |
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mood:  bored
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| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| kireipanda goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a pretty dolly. | | charlito gives you 18 yellow peach-flavoured gummy bats. | | foxykid69 tricks you! You lose 14 pieces of candy! | | freakanrikan gives you 16 light blue vanilla-flavoured gumdrops. | | gunnmouth tricks you! You lose 14 pieces of candy! | | kitsfox gives you 4 red peach-flavoured pieces of taffy. | | kyuutohikari gives you 6 dark green orange-flavoured pieces of chewing gum. | | lanashagaman gives you 19 dark blue peach-flavoured gummy bears. | | linuxchik gives you 17 teal vanilla-flavoured wafers. | | luse gives you 7 pink strawberry-flavoured miniature candy bars. | | mavriknyne tricks you! You get a button. | | kireipanda ends up with 59 pieces of candy, and a button. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
in other news, im finally moving into my single. and the gods all rejoiced. |
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| mmHMN |
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| 10:19am 03/10/2003 |
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mood: bored
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| "Kirei" | | Hillary Duff plays Kirei, who is brokenhearted after being stood up at her wedding. She meets Caitlin (Nicole Kidman), who gives her an offer she couldn't refuse. As they go on their mission, Kirei meets Ronnie (Martin Lawrence) and they fall madly in love. The assassin Joseph (James Van Der Beek) is hired to kill Kirei, but she survives the attack in an epic martial arts battle. | What's your journal's Hollywood blockbuster?
Created by chickenbarbecue |
because black men love the big women. YEAH. |
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| 01:53pm 29/09/2003 |
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"masers apply to my life because they suppress dirty hippies, who make me angry. masers have improved my life." |
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| i promise |
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| 08:38am 15/09/2003 |
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mood:  thoughtful
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This was a crazy weekend. Steve picked me up from school on friday night, and it took us super forever to get home, and then we slept at my house. On saturday we each kind of did our own thing for most of the day, and then we went to hang out with lana and jeff (hurray for teh double date thing. it was funny cuz i just talked to lana and steve just talked to jeff). I needed to watch a sci fi movie for my seminar, and I really wanted to watch gattaca so we went through a big discussion of how we were going to open an account, etc, and then about how we should get there. we decided to walk, which was the worst idea ever because it was really hot and humid, and when we finally got to the video store they didnt even have the movie. so then we were real sweaty with still no movie in hand. so then we went back to jeffs house and then to blockbuster, where gattaca was currently out. Soo~ we decided to rent Minority Report, and then all of us sat around and only half paid attention to that movie, but it was okay because me and steve actually kind of watched the end and it suck-didly-ucked. So then we watched the copy of gattaca that jeff had all along (lol), but since i couldnt stay in the god forsaken land of cats any longer we went to my house and tried to watch it there and my parents said no so i just took my tv. we then watched it in jeffs backyard. yesss.
SOOO after hanging around and being real lazy all day me and steve finally decided to head home last night around 7. we were going along just fine, until a car in front of us stopped short, and steve went careening into the back of their car. yeah, again on the way to do me a favor. im a big giant piece of bad luck. so we did all the info exchange shit and talked to the cop, and no one said "hey man, dont drive that thing aaaanywhere, so we decided to avoid some parental trouble, we'd go on to bryn mawr and steve would sort it out in the morning. biiig mistake. to make a long story short, after a winding trail of getting lost, noticing the car was smoking, stopping at a church for help, and finally calling the police, we ended up talking to this cop who was all "when I was 20 I was living n my own abroad, my own apartment, own car. I didn't have to answer to my parents." and later "I think everything happens for a reason" and shit. It was a very surreal night, but it ended up changing the way Steve saw things i think. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him. I just thought id point that out.
So yeah, lots of craziness to spen the dreary week sorting out in my brain. now time for class. |
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| minna ni |
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| 07:43am 04/09/2003 |
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to all my friends who have resolved to do something very difficult or have recently done something very difficult for the purpose of improving the rest of your lives: i love you. it makes me real happy to hear you guys making things better for yourselves out there, while i work on my future here at hogwarts. that is all. |
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| :D |
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| 10:52pm 01/09/2003 |
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mood:  silly
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whats better than skinny dipping with 10 other near strangers in the fountain at thomas great hall int he rain? nothing. :DDDDD |
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| i finally found francisco. |
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| 01:50pm 31/08/2003 |
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mood:  awake music: the strokes - someday
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"silk because you're my princess, and leather because you're my bitch."
i could'nt ask for anything more from life. |
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| this blows. |
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| 03:02am 28/08/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated music: the strokeseses
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im at summer camp, damnit. you guys can write me postcards and send care packages. i think maybe you could even come here on visiting day. maybe there will be a food fight in the dining hall. i had to leave my cell phone number with my HA when i went out. oh well, at least i downloaded the flaming lips and the strokes albums that i wanted. |
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| the SEKRET entry |
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| 09:46am 25/08/2003 |
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ima type in japanese, for myself, and for the choice few who can read it.
atasi ha ne, seishuu no getsuyoubi, suteibu to zu~~tto syabetta. atasitati ha sugoku tanosikatta, sosite kaiyoubi mo zuttosyabetta. atasitati ha nettanakatta, kedo asa hayaku issyo ni daiana no iie ni itta, to ato de issyo ni nihon ryori wo tabetyatta. are mo tanosikatta sosite motto motto issyo ni itakatta... yappari mousugu atasi ha suteibu wo suki ni natta. kare mo onagi kimoti ga atta, sosite kare mo atasi mo atasitati no koibito to bukuwaretyatta. sono ato, atasitati ha rabu rabu sitande, aisiteru tte itta. konshuu ha madzi de yokatta desu ha~~! atasi ha ima chou uresii ni natta :DDD!! suteibu ga kore wo yomareru, aisiteru yo~ hayako issyo ni itai, ne ^_^!
'nichiha, daianatya~~n! anta ha kore wo yomarerunde sekai no itiban kakoii hito da ne~~ |
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| w00t |
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| 09:48pm 02/08/2003 |
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mood:  good
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I went and saw the piney canoe carnival. there was a pirate float, and as it went by it said "Sit on my knee, lass, and we'll talk abou tthe first thing that pops up!" It made me glad. |
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| 11:07pm 01/08/2003 |
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mood: bored music: real emotion
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just so everyone knows, i talked to risa last night, and i <3 her. that is all. |
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| i am a giant penis. |
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| 12:35pm 30/07/2003 |
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mood: amused
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as the q-man says, i have that special something tha appeals to gay men. a penis. |
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| stolen from diana |
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| 12:48am 24/07/2003 |
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mood: tired
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Have you ever...
{x} Made out with a friend of the same sex? yup... dyke is what i am
{x} Fallen for your best friend? noooo. maybe if she had a penis...
{x} Been rejected? chuh
{x} Been in love? who me? never.
{x} Been in lust? bahahaha.. yeah
{x} Used someone? no, not my style
{x} Been used? oh yeah. ill also take like a monkey wrench for 1000 alex.
{x} Cheated on someone? yeah, and i feel awful
{x} Been cheated on? see previous
{x} Done something you regret? no im perfect.
Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? becky & reuben
{x} You talked to? same
{x} You hugged? same again
{x} You instant messaged? jayme
{x} You kissed? jayme ;_;
{x} You yelled at? i do it so often, its hard to keep track.
{x} You laughed with? teh B&R action team yet AGAIN
Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? consider? i live it baby.
{x} Considered being a hooker? exotic dancer maybe, but im too fat so it wouldnt work out either way.
{x} Considered being a pimp? only if i get to pimp women.
{x} Are you psycho? yes. i even have a trendy shirt that says so in an amusing fashion that was purchased by my suburban mother at hot topic.
{x} Split personalities? nope
{x} Schizophrenic? nah
{x} Obsessive Compulsive? not so much
{x} Panic? a bit
{x} Anxiety? well, yeah, some
{x} Depression? thats on my other shirt
{x} Suicidal? i don't like to take the easy way out of things. its lame.
{x} Obsessed with hate? man you must have looked through my wardrobe or something
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? eewy
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? i dream of doing them to your mom. she likes it that way.
{x} Understanding: i do try
{x} Open-minded: again, try
{x} Arrogant: about certain things
{x} Insecure: again, certain things
{x} Interesting: to some
{x} Hungry: nope, had pizza, mmn
{x} Friendly: not very
{x} Smart: ass
{x} Moody: as all hell
{x} Childish: sorta
{x} Independent: working on it
{x} Hard working: ive gotten better in the last couple of years
{x} Organized: nooo.
{x} Healthy: PAH! *rolls*
{x} Emotionally Stable: working on that too
{x} Shy: occasionally
{x} Difficult: sorta
{x} Attractive: lets not and say we did
{x} Bored Easily: mmmn.
{x} Thirsty: yeah, need fresca @_@
{x} Responsible: not entirely no, not entirely yes
{x} Sad: fvehfi2w[
{x} Happy: too tired right now
{x} Trusting: sometimes too much i think
{x} Talkative: chu~h
{x} Original: oh yeah. did you know i invented the internet?
{x} Different: than before i fucked your mom last week
{x} Unique: new york. now say it 5 times fast!
{x} Lonely: yeah, shut up.
{x} Color your hair? a few times. i need pink, now.
{x} Have tattoos? want kind of
{x} Piercings? 3 in my left ear, 1 in my right. once pierced my own belly button... bad plan.
{x} Have a boyfriend? kind of.
{x} Floss daily? i floss your moms ass with my dick daily.
{x} Own a webcam? dont and nevr will
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? no one is idle more than I.
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche?no
{x} Hablas espanol? a bit
{x} En Francaise? a bit less
{x} Current Clothes: brown tank top, boy shorts
{x} Current Mood: tired, sore muscley
{x} Current Taste: frescaaaa
{x} Current Hair: dark brown and laying rather nicely in spiral curls pinned back with clips
{x} Current Annoyance: my computer chair being ass.
{x} Current Smell: none
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: sleeping
{x} Current Desktop Picture: mikako wall paper i made
{x} Current Favorite Group: the one that kills this survey
{x} Current Book: in the middle of hocus pocus and abhorsen.. need to finish.
{x} Current DVD: oh, no
{x} Current Refreshment: fresca. and you know what? ITS DIET.
{x} Current Worry: otakon. jayme. stuff.
{x} Current Crush: mousey boy maybe
{x} Current Favorite: favorite what?
{x} Celebrity: yoshimi
{x} Food: anything cheesy, sushi, chocolate
{x} Drink: say it a again now~! FRESCA! HUH!
{x} Color: black, white, pink. i like em all tho really.
{x} Shoes: coach flipflops. ill wear them till they die, god damnit.
{x} Candy: dont eat candy almost ever.
{x} TV Show: pokemon! what can i say ive gotta catch em all, but only at work.
{x} Movie: i can never remember them all hen i want to.
{x} Dance: my sweet ass dance to get busy
{x} Anime: im liking chobits a lot right now. watch the end tomorrow~!
{x} Hentai: is awesome.
{x} Video Game: none atm.
{x} Vegetable: tomatos
{x} Fruit: mangos, bananas, kiwis.. pretty much all of the ones that dont give me hives
On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? either
{x} Dark or blond hair? generally dark but im ok with blonde
{x} Tall or short? tall
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? mr. likes women
{x} Dark or light eyes? either
{x} Hat or no hat? who cares? just take it off when we fuck.
{x} Pierced or no? as long as its not fagtastic
{x} Freckles or none? either is fine
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? get rid of the facial throw rug so i can kiss you without it looking like you beat me
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? piss in the sink type.
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? mmn chocolate
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? howabout the not so perfect but still pretty great friend and lover
{x} Sweet or sour? sweet!
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? gro~ss
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? depends on the film
{x} Cats or dogs? dogs. cats make me not able to put oxygen into my lungs
{x} Ocean or Pool? pools, cuz i hate sand in my panties.
{x} Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheese? cheese..
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? can i have pudding?
{x} With or without ice-cubes? what would i want ice-cubes for?
{x} Shine or rain? shine
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? anything not cold
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? chocolate, unless i just ate a big dinner.
{x} Gloves or mittens? mittens
{x} Eyes open or closed? open, ill sleep when im dead.
{x} Fly or breathe under water? fly
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? gum, especially minty gum.
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? motor baby
{x} Lights on or off? off please
{x} Chicken or fish? chicken, unless its sushi.
What's your favorite:.
{x} Number? 3
{x} Holiday? halloween
{x} Radio station? q102 in the hizzle, my nizzle.
{x} Place? im gunna have to go with diana on "my bed"
{x} Flower? hibiscus maybe. i also like roses for the smell.
{x} Scent? this perfume risa got my mom when she came.. its so good @_@ |
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kireipanda's journal
accomplished